Wedding bells...again?

In my never-ending quest for a good source of motivation I was struck with a very brilliant idea: I have decided that James and I will have a vow renewal when I reach my goal weight! My reasoning being that when I DO reach my goal, we'll be like two completely different people, so why not have another wedding? Of course, I wouldn't go all out like we did for our ACTUAL wedding. Mainly, I want a wedding dress. And I want people to SEE me in my wedding dress! The dress that I wore in our wedding was ordered online. I never went dress shopping because I was a little too plus-sized for my own comfort.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVED my wedding AND my dress, but looking back on pictures from that I day I can't help but see how BIG I was. I want to change that. To be able to compare two "wedding" photos side by side and, instead of being ashamed of how big I had gotten, see how far I've come.

So, I've been looking at dresses for the past couple of days, just to see what's out there. This dress is currently my favorite and has become my laptop background. :)

And, yes, you will all get invites. :)

After a brief hiatus, I have returned!

The move to San Diego was just as stressful as I anticipated, if not more so. The drive across country was fraught with gigantic and slow moving trucks, blown tires, miles of endless nothing, and the military red tape that goes along with a PPM (personally procured move). I was prepared for the stress. I was even prepared for the homesickness that struck in the middle of a grocery shopping trip, having me saucer-eyed and near tears in the middle of the commissary. What I was NOT prepared for was the complete drop off of any motivation I had to get healthy.

I came out here with a plan. Knowing that I wouldn't have a job, I decided that I would make working out and eating right my job. The trip across the country started me off on the wrong foot. Sitting on your ass in a truck for 12 hours every day for four days, eating at every kind of fast food restaurant, is a definite hindrance to ones dieting goals. Moving into the house and dealing with the 24 foot long truck and tow trailer was exhausting. Unpacking all of our junk and setting up a new home seemed to take forever. I didn't think we'd ever NOT live out of boxes. By the time our house finally felt like a home, I was so far off track that I couldn't even figure out how to get back.

Three days ago a friend of mine posted a new picture on her Facebook page. The picture shows two women, one overweight and one thin, standing back to back, both wearing a black sports bra and shorts. The quote over the picture said, "It took more than a day to gain it. It'll take more than a day to lose it. Don't give up!" Most of these inspirational pictures do nothing for me, but THAT picture hit me hard. I could finally see my way back. I started searching for inspirational weight loss quotes online and posted them all over the house on sticky notes, specifically on the fridge, pantry door, and on all the mirrors. I jumped back onto the Weight Watchers website and began logging my food and keeping within my points. I made myself get up earlier and go to the gym. I bought a white board to keep up a to do list so that I could better organize my life to make sure I always have time for working out. I started planning my meals a day in advance. I'm slowly starting to remember what it feels like to be a healthier person living a healthier lifestyle. I'm hoping that I can hold on to that feeling long enough to see me through to my goals.

When we got to San Diego I weighed in at 222, the smallest I've been since I can remember. Three days ago I was back up to 229.6, that's a gain of nearly 8 pounds! This morning the scale read 228.4, down over a pound, which shows that I'm back on track! I just hope I can keep it up long enough to make it a habit. :)

Pictorial Update

 I realized it's been a while since I posted progress pics... So, here they are!! From beginning until now.

It's nice to SEE the progress. :) What a difference 10 lbs can make! :)

FINALLY! Something that WORKS!!

Yesterday was my second Weight Watchers meeting and weigh in and I found out that I'm down a total of 6.4 pounds in two weeks!! I can't brag enough about the program. It's helping me to make sense of what I eat and what's healthy. It's like counting calories, but better. Every day I have to keep track of my "healthy checks": getting in 5 servings of fruits and vegetables, 2 servings of healthy oils, 8 cups of water, exercise, etc. I've started eating so many more fresh fruits and vegetables because they have a points value of 0. Knowing the points vaules of foods helps me to make the healthier decision.

I'm really proud of myself this week. :) I think I can definitely stick with this program long term.

A Cry For Help

After a nice long Spring Break, complete with a crippling stomach virus, I'm trying to get back on track. At the benefits fair today at work there was a table set up with some representatives from Weight Watchers. I only had one question for them: Do you have an app for the Android yet?

The answer: YES

So, tonight I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting. I can't help but feel...free. My options for eating food are wide open as long as I stay within my allotted points. I don't feel like I have to deny myself anything as long as I do it in moderation.

The meeting itself was very informative. They talked about having a Plan B when it comes to exercise, so that if one activity falls through, you have something else planned to help keep you on target. It was something I hadn't really thought about. So, now I'm working on some Plan B's!

I feel re-energized about my weight loss plan and goals. With James now floating around on the other side of the planet I feel like I need to work harder than ever to reach the goals that I've set for myself.

Here's to ME! :)

Giving up

Don't be alarmed! I'm not giving up on my goal to be healthier (and thinner!). I'm giving up on things that hinder my goal. Today is day two with no bread. To some that may not seem like much, but anyone who knows me understands what a remarkable thing this is. I can't remember the last time I went a whole day without eating some sort of bread. I'm an addict. Yeast rolls are my heroine. Biscuits are my cocaine. Sourdough is my meth. I love it ALL. At first, I tried just cutting back. One trip to Red Lobster and 3 1/2 cheese biscuits later I realized that I needed to take a more serious approach. I know that I'm capable of doing it, and that after a few weeks it won't even be an issue. A couple of years ago I gave up sweet tea (another addiction) and just a couple of months ago I gave up soda. Bread, I realize, will be much more difficult. There are substitutes for soda and tea, like water, but for bread? Not so much. But I have a goal. I have a vision. I have a desire to be healthier. To be able to execute amazing pole tricks. To be able to hike a mountain alongside my husband. To get pregnant and have an adorable pregnant belly. All of those things absolutely trump bread. I just have to keep that in mind. :)

Saying Goodbye

This week was an off week. I had so much to do after work every day that I didn't have time for exercise. Why does it feel like every time I have a busy week I end up being tempted by bad foods EVERY. STINKING. DAY? I think there's some kind of conspiracy here...

My weigh in last Saturday was 240 lbs, so that's down one pound from the previous week. Any progress is good, I guess, no matter how small. 

On a different note entirely, yesterday I joined several of my dearest friends in saying goodbye to one of our own, Jessica, who died in a car accident last week leaving behind her four year old daughter. She was two years younger than me. It was the strangest thing attending a funeral for someone so young. After the service concluded we went out for dinner and spent a good time together reminiscing about the past, talking about the present, and thinking about the future. I'm very aware of how badly I'll miss my family when James and I move to San Diego this summer, but until last night I didn't realize just how badly I would miss my friends. These are the people who made me who I am. Our interaction with one another and our exchanges are so comfortable. It's refreshing to see how, even though we're a good many years older that when we all met, we've managed to stay relatively the same. Getting together is like going back in time. Sure, there are marriages and babies and jobs and responsibility and school, but we all still...click...as a group. Colin, Stephanie, Timi, Bridget, Kia, Amanda, Will, Jason, and Chris: if you're reading this, thank you for all the years of love, support, and amazing memories. You have no idea just how much I'll miss you guys. :')

Dealing with Disappointment

My second weekly weight in was yesterday and I had some very unexpected results. This entire week I've been working on eating better and I've done an hour of some form of exercise PLUS trying to be more active in general at work and home. Despite all of this exhausting effort I still managed to GAIN weight. The scale said I weigh 241. How is this possible??


I won't lie; I cried. A lot. I was so disappointed. I worked my ASS off this past week! Luckily, James was here and helped talk me down a little. We came up with a few theories:

1. I'm not eating enough calories.

I know this sounds a little ridiculous because losing weight is about eating less, but I've learned that if you don't eat at least what you're burning off then your body goes into "survival mode" and starts storing all the fat that you eat. Stupid bodies. I don't feel like this is the case, but it's a possibility.

2. I'm building muscle as fast as I'm losing fat.


This theory makes a little more sense. I've noticed that I build muscle very quickly. Zumba has several toning elements and poling is all about strength, so I may have lost several pounds of fat and just replaced it with muscle. And, because muscle is more dense than fat, I gained weight.

3. I'm exercising too much or not enough.


The first part of this theory goes hand in hand with theory #1, and I very much hope that I'm getting enough exercise. I don't know how much more I could handle. :-/

4. There's an underlying medical issue.


While I sincerely hope this is not the case, it's worth taking a look at. A few years ago I was diagnosed as insulin resistant which is borderline diabetic. Since I lost so much weight after the diagnosis was made I figured that problem would have gone away, but I suppose there's a possibility that it hasn't.

5. I'm retaining water.


I have low blood pressure so I'm allowed, and encouraged, to eat more salt than is normally recommended. The excess salt intake could have caused my body to retain more water than usual. Once we got home from Zumba Saturday morning I got back on the scale and it read 239. So, yeah...I guess I could be retaining water.

Despite my disappointment with the number on the scale I'm still very proud of myself for sticking with my program. This is only a minor setback. I'm not done yet. I just have to get up, dust myself off, and keep on moving...

What gets me moving.

I thought I'd take a minute to share some things I've learned about myself when it comes to exercise. First, I hate it. Yeah. Not very conducive to losing weight, right? I hate being hot. I hate being sweaty. I hate making my muscles burn. BUT I've discovered that I don't mind those things so much when I'm doing something FUN. My two favorite forms of exercise: Zumba and Pole Fitness.

Zumba, if you've been under a rock for the last two years, is a high-impact cardio dance work-out with a latin/hip-hop flair. It's fun, the music is bumpin' (yes, I said BUMPIN') and I feel exhilarated when I've finished an 60 minute class. Sure, I get hot and sweaty and my muscles burn, but I like dancing enough that I can tune all that out and just DANCE. It's hard to get into at first unless you take a few beginners classes or "break down" classes, but once you know the steps you're able to put your own flavor into each song.

Pole fitness, as in Pole Dancing, is more strength training than cardio. It's the sexiest I've ever felt while working out. I'm downright addicted. So much that I even have my own pole. The only downside to poling are the injuries. Mostly bruises, which us polers show off as badges of accomplishment and pride, but occasionally more serious injuries occur, like my recent wrist sprain. Despite the injuries, and I think this speaks to how awesome this particular exercise is, I love doing it. There's no nudity involved, I don't have to get on a stage, and I don't have creepy old men trying to hit on me. It's just me, Jax (my teacher), and the pole.

This is the move I was learning when I messed up my wrist... 

Yep, that's ME in an INVERT!!

When neither of these options are available, or on one of the days that I've decided not to exercise, I still try to stay active by cleaning, walking the dog, or shopping. Anything to keep this body moving!

Just a little bit...

WEIGH IN TODAY!! This morning I ran upstairs to use mom's digital scale because my cheapy dial scale is completely unreliable. The results:

*happy dance* Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 

That's -2.2 lbs since Tuesday afternoon! :):):) I won't lie, though, I was seriously hoping for a bigger loss, but then I thought about it a little more and realized that it's only been a couple of days. Sometimes the goal I'm reaching for seems unattainable, or at least a long way from achieving, but I know it can happen if I follow through. I can't get discouraged. I can't "watch the clock" the whole way there. I have to focus on the now and celebrate the little victories along the way. Today, I celebrate!

Baby Steps

While James has been in training I have been spending a lot of time hanging out with his amazing family. Last night his mom invited me to come out to eat with them at Texas Roadhouse, which just happens to be one of my FAVORITE places to eat. I ordered a 6 oz sirloin, green beans, and a side salad....and ate NOT ONE SINGLE ROLL! By the end of the meal I had to cover the remainder of the rolls with a napkin to keep from eating them, but I stood firm in my resolve! Bread is my ultimate downfall. I have the hardest time resisting the temptation of ANY kind of bread. The texture, the taste, the smell...it's like a drug. Being able to resist the rolls at that particular restaurant, because they are incredibly tasty, is a HUGE step for me. I couldn't help but be proud of myself.

Tonight, following an inspirational episode of The Biggest Loser and several hours of looking at weight loss success stories, I dragged my mom out to a Zumba class at Fitness Shakers. She's warming up to it but prefers the Latin dances to the hip-hop ones. I had a blast as usual. I love knowing the moves. It makes it a lot more enjoyable. 

I keep telling myself that I'm going to be successful; envisioning myself healthy and thin. I hope I can do this...actually, I KNOW I can!

Every story has a beginning...

I don't want to spill my entire story right now, preferring to leave some of my life a mystery in order to make things interesting, but I will give you some basic background details. I live, and was born and raised, in Greenville, SC. I'm 28 years old and I live with my mom. The whole "living with mom" thing is completely by choice and not by circumstance. My husband is serving in the US Navy. He is not here and I hate being in a house alone. I am a preschool teacher assistant at Head Start and I absolutely adore my job most days. I have a hyper rat terrier mix named Peedee and a fat white cat named Radley (Interesting side note: We named many of our pets after characters from To Kill A Mockingbird when I was a kid. Attica is my mom's cat. Boo came before Radley. Scout got hit by a car.) 

A few years ago I tipped the scales at 300+ lbs. Today I don't weigh nearly that much (70 pounds lighter, thank you very much), but I have hit my first plateau, and it has lasted a lot longer than I anticipated. My husband is leaving soon and I have an amazing homecoming from his first (short) deployment to look forward to. By June my goal is to be down to either: a) 200 lbs or b) a size 14.

The pic on the left was taken in May of 2007 at my heaviest, on the right was August 2011.

Here's where I am currently:

I recently realized that I have a food addiction. When I eat I find it very hard to bring to my mind my reasons for wanting to lose weight. The food becomes all consuming and once I start eating I don't stop until I'm stuffed stupid. I'm working on trying to change the way I think about food and to use some visualization techniques to help me stop overeating. I figure what I really need is one very good mental picture of one of my goals that I can pull to the front of my mind when I start to eat; something that I will have to sit and think on and take time to develop to make it as real and as detailed as possible. That, coupled with Zumba and Pole Fitness (YES I said POLE FITNESS!), and eating better should do the trick!

I will (hopefully) be updating this blog once a week with new weights and pics (always in the same outfit). I am determined to do this. I ***can*** do this!!