Giving up

Don't be alarmed! I'm not giving up on my goal to be healthier (and thinner!). I'm giving up on things that hinder my goal. Today is day two with no bread. To some that may not seem like much, but anyone who knows me understands what a remarkable thing this is. I can't remember the last time I went a whole day without eating some sort of bread. I'm an addict. Yeast rolls are my heroine. Biscuits are my cocaine. Sourdough is my meth. I love it ALL. At first, I tried just cutting back. One trip to Red Lobster and 3 1/2 cheese biscuits later I realized that I needed to take a more serious approach. I know that I'm capable of doing it, and that after a few weeks it won't even be an issue. A couple of years ago I gave up sweet tea (another addiction) and just a couple of months ago I gave up soda. Bread, I realize, will be much more difficult. There are substitutes for soda and tea, like water, but for bread? Not so much. But I have a goal. I have a vision. I have a desire to be healthier. To be able to execute amazing pole tricks. To be able to hike a mountain alongside my husband. To get pregnant and have an adorable pregnant belly. All of those things absolutely trump bread. I just have to keep that in mind. :)

Saying Goodbye

This week was an off week. I had so much to do after work every day that I didn't have time for exercise. Why does it feel like every time I have a busy week I end up being tempted by bad foods EVERY. STINKING. DAY? I think there's some kind of conspiracy here...

My weigh in last Saturday was 240 lbs, so that's down one pound from the previous week. Any progress is good, I guess, no matter how small. 

On a different note entirely, yesterday I joined several of my dearest friends in saying goodbye to one of our own, Jessica, who died in a car accident last week leaving behind her four year old daughter. She was two years younger than me. It was the strangest thing attending a funeral for someone so young. After the service concluded we went out for dinner and spent a good time together reminiscing about the past, talking about the present, and thinking about the future. I'm very aware of how badly I'll miss my family when James and I move to San Diego this summer, but until last night I didn't realize just how badly I would miss my friends. These are the people who made me who I am. Our interaction with one another and our exchanges are so comfortable. It's refreshing to see how, even though we're a good many years older that when we all met, we've managed to stay relatively the same. Getting together is like going back in time. Sure, there are marriages and babies and jobs and responsibility and school, but we all still...click...as a group. Colin, Stephanie, Timi, Bridget, Kia, Amanda, Will, Jason, and Chris: if you're reading this, thank you for all the years of love, support, and amazing memories. You have no idea just how much I'll miss you guys. :')

Dealing with Disappointment

My second weekly weight in was yesterday and I had some very unexpected results. This entire week I've been working on eating better and I've done an hour of some form of exercise PLUS trying to be more active in general at work and home. Despite all of this exhausting effort I still managed to GAIN weight. The scale said I weigh 241. How is this possible??


I won't lie; I cried. A lot. I was so disappointed. I worked my ASS off this past week! Luckily, James was here and helped talk me down a little. We came up with a few theories:

1. I'm not eating enough calories.

I know this sounds a little ridiculous because losing weight is about eating less, but I've learned that if you don't eat at least what you're burning off then your body goes into "survival mode" and starts storing all the fat that you eat. Stupid bodies. I don't feel like this is the case, but it's a possibility.

2. I'm building muscle as fast as I'm losing fat.


This theory makes a little more sense. I've noticed that I build muscle very quickly. Zumba has several toning elements and poling is all about strength, so I may have lost several pounds of fat and just replaced it with muscle. And, because muscle is more dense than fat, I gained weight.

3. I'm exercising too much or not enough.


The first part of this theory goes hand in hand with theory #1, and I very much hope that I'm getting enough exercise. I don't know how much more I could handle. :-/

4. There's an underlying medical issue.


While I sincerely hope this is not the case, it's worth taking a look at. A few years ago I was diagnosed as insulin resistant which is borderline diabetic. Since I lost so much weight after the diagnosis was made I figured that problem would have gone away, but I suppose there's a possibility that it hasn't.

5. I'm retaining water.


I have low blood pressure so I'm allowed, and encouraged, to eat more salt than is normally recommended. The excess salt intake could have caused my body to retain more water than usual. Once we got home from Zumba Saturday morning I got back on the scale and it read 239. So, yeah...I guess I could be retaining water.

Despite my disappointment with the number on the scale I'm still very proud of myself for sticking with my program. This is only a minor setback. I'm not done yet. I just have to get up, dust myself off, and keep on moving...